Thursday, February 23, 2012

Review: Sonic the Hedgehog (2006) Part 1

I can't do this. I just can't.

Yes, I suppose I can call myself a Sonic fan-boy, but I just can't finish this game. I think I've played a total of about 30 minutes and watched about 50 minutes of loading screens and cut-scenes. It's absurdly ridiculous. I had to wait a full 8 minutes, possibly longer, before I could control Sonic for the first time, and that wasn't even in a Stage level. That was during the Town sequences, which is the hub world of the game and has some terrible, terrible glitches.

Also the game is stupid. I mean, grinding the water? Seriously Sega?!

At the start of your control over Sonic, you have to find Tails. Once that happens, Tails will now follow you everywhere. I feel there must be something wrong with his shoes, giving him an excuse to fly everywhere. Whenever he lands after flying, it's like his feet are on ice and he just slides away, usually over the edge of the level and into the water, killing him off. If this happens, don't panic! He comes back after the next loading screen, which are all too frequent.

Stupid Tails. I don't like you.

While walking (running) around the Town sequences in Soleanna at the beginning of the game, you will also find yourself missing turns and running into walls a lot. That is normal, Sonic's meant to be fast. Sometimes when you hit a wall you may freeze and stay still for about 5-6 seconds. This is not normal. What adds to the frustration is a lack of direction during these sections. The loading screen may say "You must stop Eggman!" but it never says 'how', it just gives you the general story mission and then says "Here you go, you need to do this. Find it yourself though, because I ain't helping". Although this works for some games, not a Sonic game. If anyone remembers Sonic Adventure, you'll know why...

At least it has occasional moments where you can go fast...

Also throughout these town sequences there are people just waiting to tell you useless information like how they want to go snowboarding or that they're late. These people have a yellow exclamation mark above their head. Then there are those people who may or may not point you in the right direction, depending on what mission you're up to. These people have orange exclamation marks above them. Then there's the people who have quests/missions ready for you to do. These are either side missions or actual story missions. They have a blue exclamation mark. An easier way to find them all is to look at your mini-map while running into buildings at every corner.

Now there's this one guy who's hanging around Soleanna the first time you're there (and possibly later, I dunno) and he has an orange mark above his head. You would assume that he helps you along to the next part of the game, right? Ha, no. Why would he?

"When things settle down I'd like to go to the beach with my girlfriend. Or maybe a barbeque in the desert!

Hmm... No, a barbeque in the woods might be better. Or skiing! Or snowboarding!

But first I need to find a girlfriend. So much to do, so little time…"
Liek if u crieddd...

Yes. I really needed that life-saving information about your lack of a girlfriend. Have a cup of concrete and join the club. This didn't help me in the slightest with progressing to the next part of the game, which I've explained is done shitty.

There's another character with an orange exclamation mark above their head which I'd like to point out. It's a bishop and you cannot progress any further in the game unless you talk to him. Although it's told to you by one of the people hanging around Soleanna, you can theoretically move through the game without the need for talking to any orange people. Just talk to the blue guys an you'll be fine. But no, this bishop is different. You have to talk to him so he can take you to some ruins where you'll have to play three different mini-games against the clock to show your worth. They are Courage, Intelligence and Love. The Courage test is fairly obvious; kill all the robots in the given time limit. The Intelligence test then moves a little further from that, telling you to go through warp holes until you get to the goal ring. This is not really an intelligence test and more a memory test. Then come the stupidest test of the three of them; you have to decide whether to save Amy or Elise from impending doom.

She's not a lover if she's a stalker.

Protip: No one likes Amy, so it only makes sense you need to pick Elise. If you pick Amy you fail the test, which is worse than failing your primary school acceptance test at age 31 after finishing university and going back because you're an idiot.

Oh, last note about those tests. Once you complete them all you get access to the next level gate via an eagle picking you up and taking you there. You had to go grind through those tests before you can progress, which makes the game look stupid when Tails is just sitting there at the gate, waiting and taunting you for not have two tails available to be used as a helicopter.

I have so much more to complain about on the subject of this game, but I'm going to give Sonic the benefit of the doubt...for now. Looks like I'm going to have to suck it up and beat it. Prepare for Part 2 soon...

Mother of God...what have I done?

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Well this is overwhelming...

Wow. I honestly didn't expect that many responses. Looks like I'm going to be looking at a fair few games. I haven't posted for a bit as I've been tracking down some of your suggestions. Some are old and a couple are fairly new, so there's a good mix. I like it.

So please be patient as I go through my paces and get through all these games. There are some I'm looking forward to and others...well...not so much.

Anyway, before I go, I'll leave you with this picture. Think of it as a little teaser as to what's coming up...